Nice! Secular Student Alliance Covers Up Organization’s Misogyny With Free Pizza

By Stav

Ann Arbor, Michigan: Nice Job! At its first meeting of the semester, the University of Michigan’s Secular Student Alliance (SSA) seems to have effectively distracted everyone from its obvious and long known misogyny with free pizza.

“Does the U of M Secular Student Alliance hate women? Maybe. It is a little telling that of the forty-five students that showed up tonight, two of them were girls, and both of them left after someone said “feminism is cancer,” said newcomer to the organization and 2nd year University of Michigan student Joel, 19. “But do I care? To be honest, with this free pizza, not really.”

Even the leadership of the university’s SSA has given itself a pat on the back for its most recent feat. “You know, I would typically be concerned about people calling us out on our lack of a, hmmm… let’s say decent record on social awareness in regards to women’s rights,” says organization’s treasurer, Rick, 21. “But guess what! I don’t think I have to be. Our organization has enough money in its budget to get free pizza *every* week this academic year. If tonight’s meeting is any indication, we’re set!”

At press time, the university’s feminist organization, FemUnity, had little to say about the recent happenings at the Secular Student Alliance. “I just hope this means they stop coming to our meetings for the sole purpose of heckling us,” said club president, Felicity, 22. “This pizza party is one we don’t particularly want invited to.”

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