Montreal, Quebec: It’s one a.m. on a Thursday night. You and Tristan were supposed to meet to hook up not one, but two hours ago. You’ve been waiting by Café Campus this entire time for him (even though you repeatedly requested to just meet at his place, which he ignored since it was the first question you asked in the message, but you weren’t going to push the issue, because, well) and it’s getting annoying. Where is he?!!
Not to fear, however! Here at Stav Writes Comedy we’ve contacted the McGill Boy Expert Association (McGill BEA) to decode whatever is going on with that boy.
“Well, at this point, there are only two real options. It’s very likely that he may have just legitimately forgotten, even though you have texted him three times earlier today and called him twice,” says local boy expert Stella Douskou, 22. “Or he was going to drink a little before meeting up since it’s a Thursday night, but ended up having 8 drinks and can’t see straight, let alone talk to you.” Although it is likely that he might have forgotten, Douskou says, it’s certainly possible that Tristan had important things to do and is running late, but forgot to let you know ahead of time, because that’s also a reasonable thing to do.”
“The other option is that he’s decided, for whatever reason, to ghost you,” says Douskou. While a somewhat shitty phenomenon, ghosting is fairly common, she says. “While it’s possible he ghosted you, our guess is to, well, ummmmmm….uhhhhh….it depends on how badly you wanna hook up with this guy again.”
“If you’re done with his bs, feel free to send him the angry messages that he deserves, but understand he may lose interest in sleeping with you. If you don’t have any other prospects, our recommendation is to maybe wait fifteen more minutes or so, just at the off-chance he may suddenly decide to show up. Because he may! If not, just go home and text him something that nicely requests an answer the next day, but don’t send him anything demanding. This will make you sound easy-going enough that even if his intention was to ghost you before, hopefully he’ll still consider hooking up with you again. So even though he completely decided to blow you off last night, you’ll be able to get over it without too much of an issue.”
Douskou wanted to emphasize to reporters that if a boy is more than two hours late to a hookup, it’s not your fault. You showed up on time, and you even bought extra condoms and brought them with you, since he completely forgot about them last time even though he said he would buy some. Tomorrow you can message him and (nicely!) ask him if he ghosted you. For now, get some sleep since you still have class at 9 a.m. tomorrow, and were only supposed to meet with him tonight because he “absolutely only could do Thursday” this week.
Comedy by Stav thanks Stella Douskou and the BEA for their time. In the meantime, follow Comedy by Stav on facebook for all your comedy and stupid boy needs!