Session of Mario Party Becoming Unavoidably Hostile

By Stav

Reynoldsburg, Ohio: A session of Mario Party 8 at the local Pabst household has found itself growing noticeably hostile.

“Now, normally, when the kids play this game with their friends, I expect to overhear some squabbles. Even though Mario Party is designed for children (I think), it really does have the ability to bring the worst out in people,” says Mrs. Pabst, 47. “But usually, I just order them some pizza and they calm down and get over it.”

Today, however, Mrs. Pabst says that the situation is different. “The television room is unusually quiet, even though my children are having several friends over today. It’s quite.. I mean, yes, it’s quite awkward, and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight, or an easy way to distract them. I don’t want to, but I’ll certainly call parents to pick up their children up early if it comes to that.”

“I love the thrill of this game, usually,” says James Pabst, 11, currently in 3rd place in the current 20-turn session of Mario Party. “I also love to win. And, I’ve been winning all the mini games, but then I keep landing on the bowser spaces!!! It’s not fair! I know I should be pleasant to all my friends when playing such a game, but I just can’t right now.”

“Sure, I wouldn’t consider myself super competitive when it comes to these things, I just want to have a good time,” says Jonathan’s friend, Lacey Dottiery, 10, who is in second place. “But if I have to pair up with James’ little sister in one of the two v. two minigames again, I’m quitting!!! She’s so bad at this and it’s really annoying to have to lose just because of her!”

“If this doesn’t become better soon, I’m walking home,” said Jonathan’s other friend, Kristofor, 11, currently in fourth place.  “My mom said strictly not to do that because there’s no sidewalk connecting our houses, but I will!”

At press time, James’ little sister, Stevie, 6, (currently in first place), was reported to be having a great deal of fun.

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