State College, Pennsylvania: Local fraternity brother of Beta Theta Pi and Penn State Student, Greg Marino, 22, finds all kinds of body hair on women to be disgusting.
“You know, I get it. We aren’t perfect, and so I certainly can’t expect perfect hygiene from the opposite sex,” said Greg as he swept 10-week-old beer cans from his place of residence under the couch. “But I have to draw that line somewhere.”
“And for me, that line is body hair on women. Leg hair, armpit hair, uhhhh, “under there” hair, I can’t take it,” Greg continued as he threw the condoms he used several months ago (or years? We don’t know, but it’s been a minute. I’m still upset that this is likely proof that someone, somewhere out there has been part of this guy’s sex life for even two minutes. Jesus Christ.) into the trash in the communal fraternity bathroom, where at least two rats remain as permanent residents.
“I know that armpit hair is considered a normal thing for guys,” Greg told us as he tried to wake up the freshman who passed out last night after throwing up on everything in the common room. “And I mean, I guess it’s kind of unfair that that’s not seen as an acceptable thing for women to have But look, if I meet a woman with armpit hair, no matter how hot she is otherwise, I am staying far away.”
“I have standards,” Greg said finally as he threw long-expired hot dogs from the communal fraternity fridge onto the grill. “Women have gotta meet my ideals, and that’s just the way it is,” he repeated, ignoring the questionable stench that has been coming out of his fellow fraternity brother’s room for the last week.