Majors for Preschool Children

By stav

Welcome to Preschool at McGill! We’re happy to have you here this year. Here are some majors you’ll be able to pick upon coming here!

Majors:

Time-Out: Learn the inner workings of why children get in trouble, and why getting in trouble is bad. Learn what it REALLY means when someone tells you they will “Call your mom to come pick you up!”

                Prospective Careers: Cop

Advanced Shapes: No one needs squares. It’s on to cubes. And parallelograms. This is serious business.

              Prospective Kindergarten Roles: the smart kid, the video game kid (not recommended)

Don’t Let the Balloon Touch the Ground: Learn all about the different types of balloons and grounds that are most suited for this classic game. Be the life of the playground. Don’t let the balloon touch the ground!

                Prospective Kindergarten Roles: Tennis?

Grilled Cheese: C H E E S E

                Prospective Kindergarten Roles: More Grilled Cheese, cheese by itself.

                Prospective Careers: Chuck E. Cheese

Bullying: Lie, cheat, and steal your way through preschool. Take everyone’s Pokemon cards. Beanie Babies, too. Look over your shoulder when you’re supposed to have your head down in “Heads up, seven up.” Color outside the lines. Make fun of everything everyone brings to show and tell. Leave the play-doh out for too long so it gets all dried up. No one cares, this isn’t kindergarten.

                Prospective Kindergarten Roles: Full-time Bully, the Cool Kid

                Prospective careers: Cop, Politician

Telling the teacher/ “Snitching”:  Tell on above person. Sacrifice your social status in preschool for no reason. Loser!!

                Prospective Kindergarten Roles: Goody Two-Shoes, Class Pet

                Prospective Careers: Librarian, Cop

Sharing: Learn how to be nice to your fellow classmates and to your teacher! Learn how to clean up after yourself. Share your snacks with your friends and even your bullies! Awww.

                Prospective Kindergarten Roles: Doormat

                Prospective Careers: Communist

Athleticism: Can you hit stuff? Can you kind of run? Can you manipulate four-year olds into letting you pick the teams every time when you play kick-ball? If yes, this is for you.

                Prospective Kindergarten Roles: Gym Class Bully, Standard Bully

                Prospective Careers: Gym class teacher that eggs on the gym class bullies, year after year. Repeat the cycle!

Polly Pockets: (Not recommended) Eat all the squishy shoes. Go to hospital. We take polly pockets away from you.

                Prospective Careers: Not sure

Minors:

Veggies (Recommended)

Nose Picking (Not recommended)

Tying Shoes (Recommended)

Putting the Basketball Under Your Shirt Like You’re Pregnant (Not recommended)

Goldfish Crackers/ Popsicles: Choose ONE of these. Not both, or you will also have to minor in veggies.

Square Peg-Round Hole

 

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