by Stav

Lancaster, OH: Local sibling, Nathan, 11, says he needs twenty more minutes on the gamecube for dumbass game Metal Gear Solid, then his sister can finally have her turn with the television.

Nathan’s sister, Stephanie, 15, calls bullshit. “There’s no way Nathan needs only twenty minutes to finish the part of the game he’s on,” says Stephanie to local reporters. “What a little shit, who does he take me for? Just because “I’m a girl” or whatever doesn’t mean I don’t know about video games, or…. whatever Nathan thinks. Like, come on. I know enough about this game to know he’s going to take at least another hour, if not more, with the tv. Even worse, Nathan *knows* I need the tv at 7:30 for my show. We have this conversation literally every week! It’s pushing 7:15 now, which means things are NOT looking good for my catching the next episode of Gilmore Girls.”

At press time, Stephanie was threatening Nathan that she would “go tell mom about this” or even “shut off the gamecube without saving the game’s progress if I have to.” Nathan was using his twenty minutes to their full potential.