Kid Who Drank B*tch Cup Not Looking So Hot

By Stav

(Note: I have been told it is not a good idea to assume all McGill students know what a “bitch cup” is. First of all, if you don’t know what a bitch cup is, you are a loser and need to go out there and party. Go out this weekend or something. Text me for a good time and I will make *sure* you have fun/ learn what a bitch cup is first hand. Anyways, the bitch cup is the gross cup full of cheap beer/whatever people want to add to the cup that you have to drink if you end up losing slap cup/boom/some other drinking games. The general premise here is that you don’t want the bitch cup).

Columbus, Ohio: With the completion of the table based- drinking game “boom,” it appears that a local Ohio State Fraternity Party at TKE, Tau Kappa Epsilon, has taken a turn for the worse.  Mitchell Dunn, 18, one of TKE’s new recruits, reportedly “isn’t looking so hot” after drinking the bitch cup for the last three rounds of the popular drinking game.

“Ya, I don’t know, maybe we should check on him over there,” says TKE brother and Ohio State junior, Nick Karras, 20, regarding Dunn. “He said he was totally fine, earlier, so it’s whatever probably. He can crash here on one of the vomit encrusted couches or something if he needs to, we don’t give a shit. I will say though he’s not looking so good. The bitch cups can really get ya, and that kid was just pounding them earlier like there was no tomorrow.”

“Usually Mitchell is quite talkative. It’s kind of annoying, actually,” said fellow TKE brother, Joey, 19. “He never knows when to stop talking. Like, jesus, kid. But yea, I think the bitch cups have hit this kid’s liver hard, he’s only saying half as many sentences now and he’s repeating stuff a lot. He’s in for quite the doozy, that’s for sure.”

“There’s always at least one freshman who does this shit, I swear to god,” says Ohio State senior and TKE President, Luke Meyers, 22. “Hey, Mitchell, do you want a glass of water or something? A sandwich? Let us know, okay?..Dammit, I was hoping to hit on all the freshmen girls coming to this party. Not babysit some 18 year old kid.”

At press time, Mitchell could not be reached for significant comment, other than “dude, chill out” and “I’m fine, bro.” Meanwhile, TKE’s party is scheduled to resume drinking games within the next twenty minutes.

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