Orlando, Florida- Yesterday, Walt Disney World unveiled plans to build a jail in each of its five Orlando theme parks over the course of the next year. The jail comes as a proposition to prevent park guests from cutting lines for attractions, which in recent times has become a common occurrence, sources report.
“We’re getting pretty tired of this shit, to be honest,” said Walt Disney World President George Kalogridis, who came up with the idea of the jail. “People need to understand when coming to Disney World that this isn’t a free for all.”
Kalogridis announced that jail admissions will operate on the basis of a three-strike rule. Upon first line cutting, visitors will be given a verbal warning. With a second offense, the violator’s name will be announced on park speakers, and their face will be shown on televisions around the parks to publicly humiliate and redirect the park guest. Upon third violation, visitors will be locked up in the park’s new jail. Their jail time, Kalogridis said, would be an amount of time correlating to the popularity of the attraction the visitor cut the line to ride.
“If you cut the line for goddamn Splash Mountain, just know you aren’t going to see the light of day for some time,” remarked Kalogridis.
“We will have to check all the ramifications of this, of course, as to whether it’s actually legal for us to build our own jail for line cutters. But hey, we’ve already been able to skirt the law in terms of maintaining copyrights to our characters long after they should have expired, so I’m sure we’ll be able to do this scot-free.”