Groundbreaking Theory: Eggs come from chickens

By Stav

Look, I know this may sound ridiculous, and I don’t want to come off as a conspiracy theorist, but I just have too much proof at this point that eggs come from chickens. I realize that I may lose support from family and friends by saying this, but at the end of the day I cannot be silent on my hunches any longer, and have subsequently decided to write this article in the quest to prove my case to you non-believers.

The following points are the evidence behind my theory:

  1. Oftentimes eggs and chickens are in the same general area: Look, it’s definitely happened before. I went to my friend’s farmhouse once and there were like two eggs (maybe even three!) near a chicken. Suspicious happenings right there.
  2. There are a high number of both eggs and chickens on planet earth: There are lots of eggs on earth at any given time, probably billions. And there are lots of chickens on planet earth at any given time, probably billions ….again. You can’t tell me that doesn’t mean something.
  3. I think my high school biology teacher said so once: Okay, so this was back in 2011 and I don’t remember it all super well (I didn’t take notes either), but I’m fairly confident my teacher said something like this once briefly in passing.  Look, I can’t prove this to be 100 percent true (I guess I could call or email her to confirm she did in fact say so?) so you’ll just have to take my word on this one.  And in any case, you wouldn’t dare call my high school teacher a liar. Misguided at times, maybe, but a liar, no.
  4. Where else would chicks come from????: This is kind of a cop-out, but I’d like to hear some explanations from you non-believers as to how chicks and their adult counterparts happen in the first place. After all, there is just no way chickens have sex. Chickens instead must just go out there and (and hear me out on this one, I realize this is hard to believe)… lay eggs. And then baby chicks come out of them.  They come out of these eggs.  I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but there’s just no other way.

As these points illustrate, there simply is no other way that eggs happen. As ridiculous and as preposterous as it sounds, chickens must be behind them.  Does this mean that there are chickens plotting something against us with this whole egg thing? Do we have reason to be scared? Maybe.  I don’t know.  None of us have the answer to that question.  Only time will tell, but in the meantime, please spread this ground-breaking news to everyone and their mom. I need page clicks


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s