More People Should Go To Trade School, Says Man With Bachelor’s Degree

Duluth, Minnesota: Local business man, college graduate, and conservative Joseph Hynes, 43, believes that millenials should “stop getting useless degrees in gender studies” and should start going to trade school.

“You pansies get these dumbass degrees in like art history or whatever, get 100 grand in debt or something, and then wonder why you don’t come out on top,” says Hynes, who graduated from the University of Minnesota with a political science degree in 1992.

“So dumb, your degrees are USELESS. No one cares about art history, or journalism, or regular history, or whatever stupid liberal arts degree it was that you were gonna get. This isn’t about this sissy ‘follow your dreams’ nonsense, this is about learning to pull your weight and take responsibility for your actions. Be useful in society, learn a SKILL, and get a JOB,” says Hynes, who does not associate with people who went to trade school. “In fact, I know all these local businesses who need people who went to trade school! But they can’t find anyone, because everyone went to university instead for no reason.”

“Sure, I didn’t go to trade school, and sure, I went to university, but it’s not for everyone! Maybe I wasn’t going to go to trade school, but other people should if they want success. Not me, I didn’t do that, but other people. Other people should go to trade school if they don’t want people like me to blame them for their own failures. You gotta pick yourself off your feet in this cruel world!”

“Sure, maybe I, subconsciously or otherwise, look down on people in service and trade-based jobs because I am maybe more educated than them and therefore think I am better than them. But that’s not the point here. This also isn’t really the time to discuss how we should fundamentally be revamping our education system anyways. Or discuss how people have been drilling this idea that university is the key to being successful for decades, and how that’s kinda-sorta-really messed up, and very demeaning to people who don’t go. The point here, quite frankly, is that if people who are not me (or my children) want to get ahead, they should consider trade school as opposed to these dead-end liberal arts degrees!”

Hynes had to cut his conversation short because he has to prepare to take his children to a university tour tomorrow.

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