Five New Condoms That Your Man Should Get Over Himself and Fucking Wear Anyways

Exciting news! We have some fun, sexy brand-new condoms for your man to consider the next time you two have sex.  Sure, he should just be wearing condoms because you requested it. Likewise, he also should care about your needs as a partner, as well as just a goddamn human being!  But, since there’s still a pretty good chance that he won’t, we’ve decided to make this list of cool new condoms that your man should just wear and fucking deal with like a reasonable adult!

  1. Trojan Nirvana Collection: We’re super stoked for this brand-new condom collection from Trojan!  Trojan Nirvana Collection condoms are condoms for the adventurous, as they come with different sensations for you and your partner to try! Still, what shouldn’t be an adventure is wondering whether your man will try to get out of wearing a condom the next time you fuck!
  2. Durex Intense Orgasmic Condoms: Wow, these new Durex Intense orgasmic condoms sound super cool! These bad boys are even “pleasure fitted” to make sex more fun for him! What’s even more fun though is when your man shuts the fuck up and wears a condom because he understands and cares about your legitimate concerns regarding STIs and pregnancy!
  3. Lifestyles Zero Condoms: Can you believe these condoms are 52% thinner than the leading brand? This probably means your partner won’t even notice he’s wearing one during sex!  Looks like he can’t complain about the condom getting in the “way of things,” or whatever dumb, inconsiderate excuse he was going to make for not wanting to wear a condom anymore! Still, this none of this should even matter because whether he can “feel” the condom isn’t nearly as important as preventing you from feeling that dreaded, sinking sense of despair because your period is late!
  4. Lifestyle Cocktail Club Condoms: While the Lifestyle Cocktail Club Condom might tote a silly name that makes you laugh, its tropical sensations will be even more pleasurable. What isn’t a laughing matter, however, is the very real attack on reproductive healthcare in the United States! Since you’ve likely taken the time to get on birth control, which takes some effort (and maybe some cash), may cause a horrid amount of pain, and is under constant attack by many male politicians, agreeing to the very simple action of wearing a condom is the least, most convenient thing your man can do! Especially because he’s probably never taken a minute of his life to actually, you know, analyze the political situation enough to give a shit about why this could even be important to you.

We hope you and your man both love these condoms, even though your man should just get over “how it feels” and put one on anyways because he’s an adult! Goddamn.

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