Canton, Ohio: The “Top-Gun,” a beloved staple of the annual Stark County Fair, probably “shouldn’t squeak like that,” local fair-goers argue. The ride, which has (probably against anyone’s best judgement) been at the fair for the last thirty-odd years, has never had the reputation as being the most safe. This year, however, fair-goers are particularly concerned: the ride is making louder and weirder noises than usual.
“I’m not gonna lie, I’m a tough guy, and this isn’t a little kiddie-ride,” says fourteen-year old Devin Diamond. “This is the cool ride. You know, the one that goes upside-down and shit. I was gonna go on this thing to impress the girl I have a crush on, but if it’s making noises like this, I’m a little scared to go on this time.”
“I know I’m the adult here, but I think I’m just going to ignore the ride’s squeakiness and look the other way,” said Donald Jackson, 43. “To be honest, I think like twenty people are on that ride at a given time, so if something were to happen, there’s no way it would end well. Taking the time to actually figure out who to report this to sounds like a lot of trouble, though, so I think I’ll just try to pretend nothing is wrong and go get some funnel cakes instead.”
“Meh, it’s probably fine. Not like anybody checks this thing, anyways,” says ride-operator Timothy Andrews, 27. “Wait, is that going on record? I’d like to take that back, actually.”
At press time, the Top-Gun was squeaking louder than ever.