4 out of 5 doctors recommend dumping Andrew

Seattle, Washington: Everyone’s been saying it, and now local doctors agree: it’s time for Seattle resident Jennifer Hill, 26, to dump Andrew.

“This may not be the most professional thing for me to say, and, to be honest, it may or may not violate HIPPA,” says local doctor Stella Andrews, 42. “But if you’re reading this, Jennifer, you need to understand that your boyfriend is a complete dumbass.  On top of that, he’s inconsiderate, rude, doesn’t apply himself, and is even mean to cats.  Like, who does that? He has no redeeming qualities, and to be frank, you’ll be saving yourself a lot of grief if you don’t let this last another five years.”

Other doctors agreed with Andrews. “I don’t know what you saw in him, Jennifer,” said Dr. Thomas Birely, 57. “No one knows, and I’ve known Andrew since you two were children.  This may be a little more public than you would want, but we’re just asking you to do yourself a favor here and dump his ass. You will thank us later.”

At press time, the fifth doctor was unavailable for comment.

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