Libertarian Bullies Privatize School Playground

Lancaster, OH: At Thomas Ewing Elementary, a recently formed Libertarian youth group has taken over the playground and is now charging fellow students per use in what it calls an effort to “privatize” play time.

“Our system is fairly simple.  Want to use the slide? 10 cents?  Want to use the swings?  1 cent per swing,” says libertarian bully Chance, 11.  “If you and a group of friends wants to use the playground to play tag or something, you have to rent out the space in advance for five dollars.  If you don’t have extra money for any of this but still want to use the playground, be assured that your lunch money will always suffice!”

“We are doing this because we want to show our classmates the benefits to a free-market system.  Before, you could use all this stuff for free, but there was always a line for it.  And always so many other kids in the way.  Who wants that?” argued libertarian bully 2, Matthew, 10. “Now, you can use these services when you want and how you want, just for a small charge upfront.”

While the situation has been reported to the school, no action has been taken to challenge the libertarian children.  Rather, the group has been lauded for its entrepreneurial endeavors.

“I think it’s great that kids are being taught the value of money at an early age,” says playground monitor and physical education teacher, Mr. Scull, 41.  “Sure, it may be kind of mean, but I don’t see how it’s any different than like, Monopoly or something.  Kids at that age could use some rough-housing anyhow.”

“We think we’re just preparing our classmates for the realities of living in America, such as healthcare and higher education,” said Chance.  “I would even argue we’re doing everyone a big favor by teaching them an important lesson: nothing is free.”

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